this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
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Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
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For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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