no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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