Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
