ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
