i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
