Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
fuck your aforementioned shoe
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
