my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
