then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
