kristin has been a bad kristin
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
