you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
