Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
