plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
