i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
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I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
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My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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