so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
