What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
