watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
