I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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