I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
