It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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