I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
