went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
