the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
