he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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