Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
