I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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