So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
