How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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