Rock
Scissors
Fuck
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
