I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
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i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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