Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
