where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
