I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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