next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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