So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
