Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
it's like iHOP with fire
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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