new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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