worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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