so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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