I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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