Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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