im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
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oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
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She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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