Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I touched a dick in church today
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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