i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
