he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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