Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
