Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
