I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
