He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
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Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need to sanitize my soul.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
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So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Terrible idea I love it
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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