I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
