i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
