how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
