She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
