just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick