you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers