Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.