a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
