Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
