What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I wish you could order shots online.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
