We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
