wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
