Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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